thanks to all of you. I admit I cried a little when I saw the posts (hug).
I'm getting a bit nervous, but still strong. talked to mom. it's all set. It was really helpful to see the posts today. I keep thinking of what Dee said once (a borrowed phraze I know!) You eat the elephant one bite at a time.
I'm not going to cave in to my fear. its another excuse. So I'm afraid...I'll just have to deal with it. I'm doing a bit of the "whistling in the dark" bravado thing, but I have to start somewhere. If I start thinking I can whine myself into staying a drunk I'm in big trouble. (plenty of time to whine when I've got some sobriety LOL).
The honest truth is I could talk myself out of this if I'm not careful. But you know it's like a major job to keep drinking the last 2 weeks...I know that doesn't make since, but thats how it has seemed. I'm still clinging to the idea that a drink will stop the shakes and the nausea...and it does...but it only makes the rebound worse. I guess it's "maintanence drinking" at it's worst.
So I'm in the middle right now...terrified of quiting completely yet anxious to get it over with. I do have hope that after 24 hours it will start to improve. I may still throw up, have diareah and shake....but I'll know it's temporary..sort of. I'll eat this elephant one bite at a time...but I have to tell you I HATE elephant!
OK...instead of taking a drink I'm going to go watch TV. I'm not pretending I'll get through tonight without a drink. I know it makes no sense, but I'm gonna try hard and know that tomarrow it will no longer be ok to try it will be DO. I do want my life back. I'm scared I don't have one that will be ok, but I thought that 20 years ago and ended up ok once I walked through the fear and got some integrity going.
God! my puppies are gonna be so glad to see me sober and awake. Right now they lick on me constantly and I think it's the alchohol that seeps through the skin. Nia remembers me sober. Gunny only saw me sober for 6 weeks so he will be a bit confused.
OK...I'm going on and on...TV....Eat (that's important)...drink WATER...put on my big girl pants....stay honest...be grateful that I've lucked out in so many ways but don't rely on luck...make a change...
Nands
