Sadly it's come to this with his mother
So exabf cannot contact me. He has been found guilty of violating the DVP and is now on probation. It has been quiet. This week's local newspaper will have his conviction in it.
I have posted before about the relationship I have with his mother that I don't want to lose. We have been able to chat (we are both teachers, she updates me about her grandson, who I raised as my son, and I trully do love her like an extra mom). We had a policy not to speak of him.
I get this text from her yesterday
"hope you had a great weekend. Congrats on the new job. J. wants me to ask if you think you would EVER want to have anything to do with him again. Not tomorrow not next month, but EVER!"
I was perplexed. First thought was that it wasn't really from her, and that he had gotten her phone, I left it alone for an hour, and then I called. She answered. It was definately from her since she is visiting her daughter in another state.
She apologized for sending the text. She said that he had badgered her and wouldn't stop asking her to send it. She realized that she had been manipulated to do it. I told her that I had answered that question 100 times when he asked it, and that the answer remains the same. He is still drinking, and I he cannot be part of my life in any way. I have a new home, starting a new job on Wednesday (my last day is tuesday here).
I told her to let him know that asking her to ask me questions violates the order. It is so unfair to manipulate her and put her in the middle. It's very triggering to me because I know how much he still manipulates her. She is financially supporting him, he is living in her house. She is spending several months with her daughter and I'm actually thinking it's because she can't stand to be in the house with him, so essentially she has been squeezed out of her own house. I realize it's not my burden to bear or save her. She goes to alanon, she's an adult.
So is it fair to vocalize and enforce the boundry that having a relationship with me means there will be no talking about him, and especially no communicating with him about me.
Would you cut ties? It's painful to think about. She's also my link to her grandson. Need some thoughts, experience please.