OK...
I'm trying to stick with do the next indicated thing. I've been up an hour or so, and the main tasks this morning are to get the trash to the curb for pick up, get dressed, deoderized and manage what I can to get the swelling out of my eyes.
Today I have alot of work to do at work wich is good. In 36 hours detox will begin. I need to just get through the next 36 hours and keep committed to ending this. Today there is an interview for a candidate for a position that I will deal with on a regular basis with power over my job. The best candidate, that would be great for our college is someone who knows my history and who I harmed when I deserted a job about 2 years ago. When my boss shared the information on the canditates to me on Friday I turned beet red and shook like a leaf. But she is clearly the one they need to hire.
I am not going to try and deal with this today. I told my boss she is the obvious choice and I'll deal with having to meet her after I get sober and return to work on Thursday. I need to do the next indicated thing even when it is going to hurt. I need to focus on being sober, not on avoiding conflict or embarrassment.
I need to also remember how lucky I am that a number of people in my life are willing to go through this with me one LAST time. Of course some people have given up .... but an amazing number of people are willing to let me try something different, perhaps that they don't believe in.
I doubt that I'll get back to the site till tommarrow morning. I'm going to need to go to bed early tonight, not dwell on anything outside of being ready to dig in my heals and stay sober tomarrow...even if it isn't until noon.
Sorry to bother you with my "diary". But it is helping me to stay focused and to stay out of self pity and into a more balanced acceptance of where I am and where I need to go.
Nands