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Old 08-12-2012, 11:36 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Inthepit108
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 20
I have been there so many times in the past 27 years. While we are up all night tossing and turning, worrying, praying, reverting from anger to being afraid, our AH are not thinking about us. We are the last things on their mind. I have spent three years in a separate bedroom lonely as can be but wouldn't think to cheat. He walks around like he is so all mighty. The past four days have been tough for me too because I am currently making a stand and not doing the things he wants me to do. I have actually had peace and enjoyed my days as long as I keep my mind on this minute. When the conversations in my head start going around and around, will I ever be able to leave him, will he ever get sober, will we ever be intimate again, will I ever stop loving him, I drive myself crazy. No one knows what tomorrow will bring and who knows if we will even be alive tomorrow. Only God knows. So today, I went to church - alone. Went grocery shopping - alone, painted my nails, went swimming and am planning a nice dinner. If he is here and eats okay, if not I will enjoy a quiet meal alone. What bothers me more than him at this time is my 20 year old son who takes his fathers side and has an alcoholic personality without the alcohol. I have done everything and I mean everything for that boy and he plain cusses me out and sides with his father. I wish I had left my AH when my husband was small because we don't know what damage living with alcoholism can do to our children- extreme damage until it is done. So basically I am practicing detachment from my son as well. I know rocky waters are ahead because they both want the meek, always aiming to please, do as I say wife/mother but not Today.....
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