I just posted this in the SA for family members forum. How funny. some one said to come here and look. that there is a threat about what i posted. well here it is,
To stay or go in the eyes of my HP, in the eyes of me?
I got a simple question with a not so simple answer. I am catholic. I am struggling with the fact that my qualifier had cheated on me multiple times when she was active. A little back ground. Married for over 10 years, two beautiful children also. Both in our 40’s. Good jobs. Own our home. I am struggling with this fact to the point of physical internal pain. Sleepless nights. A mental weight on my shoulders, feels like I am carrying a city bus on my shoulders. My guilt. And a whole lot of metal pictures in my head. Just total betrayal and destruction. Now as a catholic. What do I do? What can she do to restore “HER” vows? Or repent? Or make amends to me? Vows that I took very very very seriously. I have talk to others, but I can’t understand their reasoning. One said “Oh, it’s OK, she was active, so you have to forgive her”. Mind you, the person I was talking to was an addict. There is a tremendous amount of other stuff that I am dealing with, the collateral damage is unbelievable. It’s like she went outside the house with a flame thrower and burned the entire house down with my children and myself in it. Then turned around and said “what”, that’s nothing. Look what else I can do and did!!!! So, I am at a crossroad in my life right now. I don’t know what to do. For the first F_N time in my life, I don’t know what the F@CK to do!! I am praying to my HP. Yes I am attending meeting, yes I am going to therapy. I want my life back. I want to be at peace. I don't want to feel like i am going 100 MPH when i get up and when i try to sleep.