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Old 08-10-2012, 11:41 AM
  # 118 (permalink)  
lizatola
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Originally Posted by gerryP View Post
Hey Liz,

That's frustrating I would think, but maybe a little empowering for you at the same time? I'm thinking back to earlier posts where you wrote that it was important for you to know that you did everything in your power...so to have a professional tell you that you that it's up to your husband to decide if he will do what is necessary for the marriage.

I have a friend (s) a couple that are currently in marriage counseling. I love them both, but Mr., while always liked to tilt the bottle has ramped it up the last 7 yrs. He has kinda 'checked out' as I see it. Of course he doesn't see what the big deal is. He sees 'Mrs' as beating him down (arrrg) "He can't win" stuff coming out of his mouth lately. I have known them as a couple for 17 years and I hate to see the marriage dissolve because they have 4 kids, but I know that is not a reason to stay together. I also hate to see the marriage dissolve because I would like to give 'Mr' a kick in the azz to make him see that he is purely defiant and using 'Mrs' as his excuse to check out. Oh wait-I have! Because Mr and I are also friends and i drank alcoholically for a ton of years I k.n.o.w all the excuses and reason. Guess what, he tells me respectfully that I don't understand. I have a permanent bump on my forehead from banging my head on the wall.
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What I started out to say- When 'Mrs' explained what she thought needed to happen for the marriage to have a chance and 'Mr' explained what he thought needed to change to make the marriage work, the MC said to 'mr'- ohhh, so you don't want the marriage then. When my friend told me that, it was the most profound thing I have heard. Worded that way and tightly wrapped up in a neat package. That was it. How do you argue with that I thought?
You can't argue with it and I can totally see this MC say that to my AH at this point. He'll say he wants the marriage but turn it around to say,"Well, what I want is a woman who will do her job, sleep with me, and take care of the kid and then shut her pie hole." Of course, he'll say it nicer than that. Then, he'll throw the Bible in there for good measure and make sure I know that he wants a 'submissive' wife which I translate into: I want a doormat.
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