It sounds like your Higher Power is interested in having a dialogue with you, Grizz.
I hope there is a nice lake near you. Maybe you can sit there with your thoughts.
I think it is very very likely -- would bet money
-- that you have some amazing qualities you have forgotten about, and that you have acted in courageous ways other people never knew about, and that your deepest values are rock solid.
I think it is very likely you are someone worth getting to know. I'm sorry your AW has been too loaded to get to know you over the past many years.
But you can get to know you better. When you do, I truly hope you like the man you have found. Your posts here have been full of good advice, real honesty, and great compassion. You are probably a very fine man, father, friend, and husband. You've just gone missing a bit, for a while, from your life. That is okay. You can come back.
Wishing you growth and peace of mind.