Hey, and thanks for asking about me, sorry to have vanished. Have had a bit of a bumpy time, emotionally. Have mostly avoided drinking, but the nights I did, ouch...I think I have a hidden death-wish, or that a part of me has given up, again. This seems to happen, even in periods of being sober, this thought that life will not go on much longer anyway, this urge to hasten it's end. So I try and stay positive and not drink, but it is hard. I can't explain how I feel inside, at times, but it is like I feel trapped by so many things in my past.
I am trying to be better, not sure it is working. still looking for some kind of meeting that is open to various approaches, no real luck, maybe something here? Though in the past, it was a lot of fighting if I posted outside of this section, so I am still scared to...I know some folks like to take the tough love or see how wonderfully balanced and recovered I am approach, but it just made me feel smaller and worse about myself, and run away, and hide. So I have been hiding, you could say. Like I need to begin all over again. Only where????
Well, sorry to be so moody, and inconsistent...will try and post more about that I am trying to do, and what is going on....