Happier brings up a very good point, that I would like to add a comment to because I believe that it is a subject that needs to have the light shined on it.
***FIrst, I would like to say to loosingmymind that I am in no way saying that this is a problem with her husband.***
I am in a profession where people talk to me about many personal issues. I also have had boyfriends over the years who have also told me about this. These were guys who never told anyone and one could never have guessed.
Many men have a history of sexual abuse in their past. This can cause problems in their sex lives as well as many other aspects of their lives. It is the norm that they keep it a secret from everyone. Often they won't even tell a therapist---unless a great deal of trust has been built and the therapist takes the lead to explore this possibility.
Loosinmymind---Yes, the disease is most likely the cause. Emotionally, and phisiologicaly, alcohol erodes the intimate relationship in a marriage. Don't blame yourself and don't beat him up for it either. This is just compounding your all's misery. Recovery programs for both of you is the answer to this pain.
Congratulations on your weight loss!! Keep focusing on yourself. (Thanks for starting this thread)
dandylion
Now, that the frequency of sexual abuse is coming out of the closet---I think this is worth mentioning. Same is true for women, also.