Leaving a relationship in which we lower our standard of living financially is very difficult. We do lose a lot, I know, I did it.
It also hurts to pull our head out of the sand. I had to do that too. Ouch.
Porn is a very debated argument. For me, I decided that my viewpoint is that it objectifies a person with a heart, objectifies a stranger. I also am very well aware of how it belittles women and keeps them in a mind-set in which they believe the best they have to offer the world to make money is essentially be a prostitute.
Sometimes, we find that we also are objectified in a legitimate marriage. That realization can hurt too. We of course want to believe that we are loved because of our heart and soul, and then we find that while that may be true, it may also be true that we are loved because of our innocence, our naiviete, our gullible nature, and how easily we are manipulated.
That doesn't mean that we aren't loved for our good traits too...we are...such as a good nature, giving, fair, honest. It may mean though that we are also loved in a somewhat sinister way...as our best traits can be used against us.
Pulling my head out of the sand was painful. It meant accepting that I was somewhat objectified. I was loved for good traits, and I loved for good traits, but in the nature of love, there is a certain element of selfishness and we may make deals with the devil. This area can be difficult to pinpoint exactly where the lines of love have crossed into the lines of selfishness.
All I can say with surety in healthy marriages is that real love isn't painful, that people respect each other along with being turned on by their physical bodies, that fairness prevails, that transparency of heart is obvious, that motives are clear, that manipulation is non-existant, that equality is understood, and that physical intimacy is not embarrassing when we look our partner in the eyes, and that that intimacy is a shared expression in which both partners are comfortable and unafraid to be transparent.