Lizatola-
I can only speak for me, but it took me five years of the alcoholic drinking, and him having an affair before I finally started to take care of myself. It takes what it takes and I was not ready one moment prior to when I was ready.
I worry for you, not because of what you posted about with change, but because so much of the energy in your life at the moment seems to be outwardly focused on him and not you. This just hits close to home for me. I thought that was what being in a relationship was about because that is what I had learned. I am learning that self-care is not selfish. What are you doing for your own self-care?
Finally anger also really helped me, and it helped to start the healing process.
I am glad you are here and sharing.