ca and toast,
ca I hated AA until I got serious about quitting. I also stopped using AA after my first three months of sobriety.
I did an in hospital detox and you need to be aware that if you feel very badly to go to an ER. I quit a three pack a day smoking habit too as long as I was getting drugs to make withdrawals safer and easy. I am a guy but liken it to having a baby natural or with a spinal block or other pain meds. It is against my religion to go through extreme discomfort and expose myself to danger of seizures etc. My religion? I am a devout practicing coward!
Once detoxed I had my family, wife, and best friend support as well as my two Doctors and counseling both group and one on one. I then joined AA and here on SR and now, almost two years later, I stick with just SR. I am recovered, but lots of folks here helped me through that tough first six months. Then let me know a lot of the longer term healing was normal and called PAWS.
Here is my point. I had done the daily I will quit . . . tomorrow for years. I decided that doing the same thing that never worked before was not going to get me any results different than before.
So I decided that I not only needed to quit, but that if I did not, I would kill myself with it eventually because it is slow suicide, and I decided I am not suicidal.
There are as many different approaches to quitting and recovery methods as there are alcoholics and problem drinkers who can't quit or won't. I just decided to quit for good, and that shocks some folks who harbor some kind of crazy hope that they can take a break, make a show of it for a few months for whatever reason, and then somehow be a normal alcohol drinker.
I have bad news for you. We can't, and that is quoted as the number one reason for relapses. Running a close second is that some bad event or stressor "made" them "need" a drink or thirty to get through it.
Like all of us, I started in despair of having the willpower, and in desperation reached out like you are doing now too. If you are desperate enough, and have had enough, you will say ENOUGH!
And whatever it takes, you will find you already had enough of it.