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Old 08-05-2012, 12:27 PM
  # 86 (permalink)  
lizatola
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Liz, I can feel that it is very painful for us on the board to watch someone caught up in the cycle of abuse, as you are, and not be able to effectively help the victim out of the abusive situation. Actually 2 victims---your son is subjected to this home without a voice.

As I posted here before, I have come to see that your greatest fear is of loosing your husband. As much as you describe your dislike of his behaviors, the fear of seperating from him is even greater than the fear of staying. This fear is at the heart of all of us co-dependents. You are both tethered very tightly to each other in this dance.

I am not under any illusion that you are going to seperate from him or to make YOURSELF a focus of treatment. You are still more comfortable with him than the possibility of being without him.

My hope for you right now, is that when a force from the universe that you have no control over places you in so much pain that you have no other option---you will remember some of the ESH that has been lovingly offered to you---and that you will know where to go for help.

I strongly suggest to you that while you are still in your zone of comfort--to focus on how to secure your financial future for when you are alone with your child to care for.
The day will come when he can no longer provide for your security. I am certain that there are countless others who have faced this (on this board), including myself.

Liz, are you comfortable with thinking about this practical reality? I know it IS scarey. Very scarey.

The hope of assisting you in some way is the only reason that I continue to post to you.

dandylion.
Thank you for your honesty and thank you for caring enough to share. You are right, of course. I'm a glutton for punishment at this point and I'm choosing to stay in this position. I really do appreciate all the love I feel here and I know you guys must be terribly frustrated with me.

My ah told me the other night that I could find a new husband in a week. He said, "You're hot and fit and gentle and sweet, and you don't even know it. I see men look at you and I know they want what I have." He followed it up with more and I sat there minimizing what he said. In my own mind I pointed out to myself that it's easy to find a man, but finding a REAL trustworthy loving man may take a LONG time. And, as far as I can tell, I'm not exactly going to be healthy for a new relationship any time soon.
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