Fathom

Hi Liz,

This sentence makes my stomach drop. How much do you think you need to do before you can say that you've done "everything in your power"? It's very important to define what that is, and what it isn't. This kind of thinking got me back on a small sailboat with my AH to sail thousands of miles to get back home. We sailed nonstop for 45 days so that we could find help for him, I could feel the support of my family, and we could have a place to live while we worked things out. My AH definitely dropped the ball along the way, and I think we could have easily not made it back. Even though we aren't together now, I've often told my family that I was glad I did everything I could to set him up in a safe supportive environment to get help. Nevermind that I did so at great personal risk! At what point should I have decided I had done everything in my power? The fact is, I was powerless against his alcoholism since before we left. I have always been powerless against it. The problem is that I gave up much of my power over my own life trying to fight his choices. I started to take that power back when I left him Tahiti, but I relinquished it again when I returned. I had returned with the sole purpose of helping him do something he was quite obviously not ready for.

So, please, be careful that you don't cross the bounds of reason in your desire to keep your marriage together. It's extremely difficult to do when you are stuck in the moment. That's why you talk to friends and counselors about your situation. They will help your perspective.

Take care,
Fathom