The Relentless Alcoholic Mind
Like a stray Dog waiting for some scraps it just keeps staring at me hoping I will give in and share what's left of my lunch. After about day 20 the major daily cravings go away but what is always left is that Dog. Staring and drooling, whimpering, wagging a little, but never giving up. Most days I finally give in and share the last few bites. Lately though, I just get up and walk away too tired of paying attention to it to care. It still comes though and begs, it never gives up.
The Alcoholic mind is always scheming, trying to think two steps ahead. Trying to plan attack when you are at your weakest.
My Wife is going away for 10 days at the end of August and I am already planning ways to distract myself from the onslaught of whimpering I will surely get. I have already had some begging start yesterday, you know, the usual stuff.
"You can drink those couple days, no biggie. Just a few, you'll get the nice ones that you like." "Suck em down while you are messing around with software" "Just like old times"
What I do remember though is the last time I tried to do this I couldn't concentrate anymore. I can do mindless stuff like play a slasher game like Diablo or Nox but edit software? Use really complicated music programs? No way. I sat there staring at the screen sort of befuddled and I became annoyed. So I shut it off and played Diablo.
At that moment I did really feel hopeless but I quickly drank it away and then went to sleep.
I just have to keep listening to the voice keeping me sober. Occupy myself with whatever I can. I have to be honest regarding those ten days.
I am scared...