Yeah, this story is a hot one for me too, all kinds of triggers, and horrible similarities with the manipulation.
I want to be compassionate to you, Liz. I've posted some tough love a few times, and sometimes reacted instead of responded which I later realized was too knee-jerk reaction, but that is because I have been in a very similar place.
Controlling manipulators are the worst...hard to believe these people can simultaneously be some of the most compassionate or generous people. Jekyll and hydes.