Your post was like a kick in the gut.
Reading it put me right back to being married to AXH and having conversations with him that made him feel better and me feel worse and feel that yeah, since he "won" the conversation he must be right and I must be wrong. And that gut feeling that you are stuck and you don't know if you have the
right to leave.
Maybe I just need to accept the unacceptable behavior
You can. But before you do, consider what that will do to you. You'll be like I was -- accepting more and more unacceptable behavior, saying "maybe I just need to accept
this and we will have a peaceful marriage" until being forced to have sex is acceptable because it's easier to put up with it than to put up with the nastiness if I fight him.
I'm really, really concerned about this man's controlling behavior.
Maybe you should get a job outside the home. That would solve the question of whether to divorce him.