View Single Post
Old 08-01-2012, 03:11 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
painfully
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
two weeks ago at my meeting we were talking about boundaries. One of the things discussed was boundaries v. ultimatums.
there is a woman in my group who i listen intently to, not to say that i don't listen to others, but with her, i have my mental pen poised and i usually do make notes after the meeting.
This very wise woman said and i wish i could quote her, but, essentially, a boundary is yours and it doesn't require communicating to them. if you do choose to communicate it, it has to be communicated as yours. For example a boundary is saying, 'i will no longer live in a home with an active alcoholic' an ultimatum is saying 'if you drink i'm moving out'.
it's a slim but important difference.
one is saying i am no longer willing to do x
the other is saying if he does a, you will do b

i wish you luck
as much as i kind of get the difference now, i'm not sure that i would be able to communicate it properly without it sounding like an ultimatum.
painfully is offline