This is NOT as simple as I am going to make it read...
It sounds like he lied to you and hid ALOT of things from you from the GET GO..
From the jump start, he has done ALOT to keep you out of his LOOP.
Therefore, the foundation was cracked from the beginning.
If the foundation is cracked, you must tear it all down to re-build.
You have a choise.
Get off this RIDE from He||, or keep riding it.
It wont be easy either way.
One way is going to keep you hurt, stressed, anxious and confused.
The other may have great results in you finally concentrating and working on YOURSELF.
Regardless, you have those choises.
It's not much but that is all I can offer you.
And that comes straight from my heart, because I married and lived with a person similar to the guy you have described, for 20 + years...
And he nearly took my soul...
I have been divorced since Feb 2012, seperated since March 2011.
The road has been long and rough but rewarding.
( Being a CODIE is NOT easy! )
I have learned so much about myself, things I never knew or didnt want to know.
It is most amazing now, to lay my head down at night and know I no longer walk on eggshells.
I dont worry about what he is doing, how his lies will affect me or what the next sunrise/sunset will bring as far as pain.
I am Thankful to God I dont have to tollerate his crap anymore.
And I work daily/minute to minute on myself.
In Answer to your question " Should I trust him? ", I would have to say " No. "
He is cycling his addiction..
There is a cycle to addiction. And he is def cycling.
He does this by stopping the meetings and sponsors.
And then telling you to let hm work it out in HIS own way.
I know this all to be so very true. I lived it for 20 + years.
If he doesnt work the steps, the program and the sponsors with responsibility and continually, the results are horrible and the " I can do it by myself " is a facade`.
It's his excuse to begin the cycle again and again.
Get yourself into some CODIE classes.
Get youself some help, go to AlAnon or NA meetings.
This will all help you and give you some clarity on what this guy is doing and has been doing for a very very long time.
I will pray for you!
Much Love & Respect.
~GT2~