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Old 07-29-2012, 03:43 PM
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wanttobehealthy
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
on a more serious note

Something that has been creeping up with D6 and D4 a lot lately is the following...

In any given event (I lose my keys and am trying to find them, someone stubs their toe and yells in pain, one kid gets a compliment first etc...) one of the girls will say something to the effect of:

"it's my fault I know... sorry, sorry" (and they say it in a sad way like they actually believe it's their fault that my keys are lost of that one of them is in a bad mood etc..)

OR

"It's okay I know X (one of the girls names and they take turns in this role) is better than me/loved more than me/nicer than me. It's okay...

I swear to god I do not make a huge deal about this when it's said-- I stop and validate them and assure them it's not their fault and that both are loved and great kids, but it is NOT getting better. They both say it more and more frequently.

D6 has been going to a therapist and the T has said to me that she doesn't see or hear D6 talking about being distressed in any way and thinks that her being an anxious kid is something that will work itself out once home is stable for a long period of time (of course visits with Dad are never stable).

I'm not trying to create a reason for the kids to be in T if they don't need it but blaming themselves like they do is alarming to me.

It's upsetting to me that there's no al anon stuff for young kids-- I guess I wait until they're teens and then al anon cares?

I am kind of at my wits end about how to help my girls and don't know what more to do. I suppose that loving them, assuring them, validating them is all I can do but I am impatient and a fixer and I don't like that I can't just make it all better overnight.

If anyone reading this has young kids and is debating whether or not to leave... take my advice (not that I listened to those who gave me the same advice)... I had 2 perfect innocent little girls who now because of their dad and I are damaged.... They doubt themselves, they are uber people pleasers and they feel they are to blame. And they are 6 and 4.

Tonight was an especially rough evening with them both apologizing like little mini versions of me for so long for everything under the sun. I wanted to just cry and hug them and say I was so sorry for screwing them up so badly in their short lives. I put on a brave face and hugged and kissed and assured them but now that they are in bed I'm kind of letting it all out...

Thanks for listening...
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