Originally Posted by m1k3

I am what I call a half-assed Buddhist. One of the things Buddhism teaches is that everything has causes and conditions. This means when you are angry there is always a reason for being angry.

When I looked in to the causes and conditions of my anger I was surprised at what I found. I found that my wife's behavior was a condition of my anger. The cause was I had expectations that weren't being met. I expected her to behave one way and she didn't. As they say expectations are future resentments.

Once I let go of the expectations the anger faded pretty quickly. Not that I don't get flashes every now and then but now at least I know the source.

Step 1 in the program covers this pretty well. I was powerless over alcohol, her decisions to put it above us and to be honest I was powerless to control her in any way. Any control I thought I had was just an illusion. Giving up this illusion of control laid the foundation of my recovery.

I can see now that almost every time I am angry it is because I am disappointed that my expectations were not met. By doing my breathing meditation I can return to the moment and let go of my expectations for the future. It will happen exactly as it happens and all I can control is how I choose to react to it.

I hope this helps,

Your friend,