Originally Posted by sweetteewalls

I am still so angry with my separated AH. I am lying here and nights remain to be the worst. I haven't slept well in 3 months. I feel like I am nowhere closer to getting over it, his abandonment. I am just as angry and feeling deserted as if he just walked out the door yesterday. I see a therapist, I read, I journal, I go to Alanon and still, I have the unhealthiest of thoughts.

I want him to feel the pain he is causing me. He doesn't feel pain because he nums himself with alcohol and women. I want him to know how good he had it with me, what a terrific wife and partner I was, how unconditionally I loved him...I want him to hurt. I know those are unhealthy thoughts but that's what's on my mind. I told myself I would use this site and not contact him. A girlfriend came over tonight and it was nice and she left and I'm right back to where I was...

How can a man abandon his family, including his 4 year old daughter and just walk around like its nothing, like he just hasn't wrecked our family. I hate him. I know this post is seething with anger but I need to get it out...He is an awful person and I deserve so much more than what he gave me.

I hope this anger goes away. I'm normally a fun loving person but these days, I'm just pissed and no fun to be around. I'm sorry for the negativity. I just feel so jilted. He gets to walk away, live the fun life with no responsibilities and here I am...left to make it ok for myself and our baby girl. This pain and anger will not subside.