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Old 07-27-2012, 07:05 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
BlueSkies1
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I am (probably only one of) the queens of anger. I'm an expert at it. I can seethe for years...yes years, without relief, consistantly, without reprieve.

It's a miserable place to be. The alcoholic can numb themselves out, and maybe they even have useful real skills to alleviate their anger that I don't.
I learned the ability for great anger from my father, whose hair trigger temper coupled with his high expectations, passed onto me an ability to judge others without compassion when they crossed the line into "stupid".
Unfortunately this also backfires onto oneself as self-judgment. What psychologists call the "critical parent" living in our heads.

Eventually I wore myself out. I aged 10 years in 5 physically. I smoked like a chimney, saw red from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. I should have had a massive heart attack like my father did, but for some biological reason I didn't-being younger or female or whatever it was.

When we're separated we have to stop letting them "rent space in our head for free". Start charging them! Take your control back, take your life back.

Put aside your judgment of him, and your self-criticism for having been in a relationship with him...set that junk aside..do not let it dictate the path of your life, your love, your heart, your soul, and do this below whenever you can...

Once upon a time you were a happier young girl or woman who had not yet even met this man. You found joy in life in play, in watching nature, and in so many simple things--the wonders and miracles of life and being alive. Curiousity...amazement...beauty...joy...love...hum or.
That girl is long neglected. Nurture her.
You loved life long before you ever knew this man existed, and you can love life long after he is gone.
Reconnect with her. Start with her favorite rope-jumping songs if you have to--go back--look at old pictures of her--think about HER...not him. She wants to dance and sing again, just happy to be alive on a sunny day.

Don't let your life be dictated by some unhappiness that came your way. He is gone now. Life goes on, and it doesn't go on forever--so don't waste it with him in your head...look around you! There is beauty and amazing things to discover everywhere.
I know it is sometimes easier said than done...don't forget--I'm one of the queens of anger. Nobody could stay angry CONSTANTLY every waking moment for five years?
I did. The madness inside me had to end. I was completely worn out.
I had to remember that girl in a photograph, and go back to being her.
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