Sweetteewalls
Three months really isn't a lot of time compared with the amount of time the two of your spent together. Be kind to yourself and continue to work with your therapist to get all of your anger out and spent.
How can a man abandon his family, including his 4 year old daughter and just walk around like its nothing, like he just hasn't wrecked our family. I hate him. I know this post is seething with anger but I need to get it out...He is an awful person and I deserve so much more than what he gave me.
This, right here, seems to me to be the heart of the matter. What he did was horrible. You did not deserve it, and you do deserve much, much better treatment than
he is capable of providing.
You will neither be able to extract enough penance from him to satisfy your anger, nor will you be able to get him to 'see the light' and be a good and upstanding husband to you and father to your child.
So, try to think about what your anger is actually going to do for you. Will it change him at all? No, even seething, raging anger has no control over an active alcoholic. Will it change you at all? Sadly, yes, it can turn you into someone you simply do not want to nor deserve to be.
I hope today will be a bit brighter, a bit easier, a bit better!