I have to second all that Thumper posted.
I too waited around for my XAH to admit the problem... take responsibility... own up to his part... blah-blah-blah. I felt that anything short of "making him own his part" was enabling... turns out I was wrong. Sitting around waiting for him to "man up" just wasted precious years of my life that I'll never get back.
We tried the counseling thing... the counselor had him backed into the alcoholism corner with seemingly no wait out except fessing up... and yet the disease, the cunning/baffling ******* that it is, somehow weaseled its way out!!
There I stood... with the key in MY hand... waiting for my AH to unlock the door. Insane... but that was my disease of codependency.