jamaicamecrazy

I've bumped into my AH several times in the last few weeks. So much for NC. We actually have had several good conversations. It felt like 2 old friends talking but I know it has not been very healthy for me to engage with him. He was honest about his medical complications, his restrictions for work & fire dept, not being able to sleep, strained relationship with his kids, loss of work time and reduced pay. I did not think it was an appropriate time to point out that these were all consequences of his actions or inaction. I just listened and told him to take care of himself because many people care about him.
He stopped at the house to pick up mail and came into the kitchen to check on a plumbing issue. He was cordial- none of the raging anger he displayed last year. Perhaps this is our HP at work giving us an opportunity to heal. He left abruptly saying that it hurt too much to be in the kitchen and he started crying as he left. Could this be remorse? An awareness of how much he has been willing to give up?
Well for some reason I could not leave well enough alone. Mainly because I feel we all tip toe around him because we don't want to poke the bear. So when he says he is cutting back on his drinking we all just nod and smile. No one calls him on anything. So I sent him a very nice email. It really did come from a loving place. I said that I enjoyed our walks and talk and feeling like friends again but I knew I could never go back to living with an active drinker even if I still felt like his wife. That I was trying to accept that he may never seek sobriety but that it was difficult for his family to accept that in lieu of his recent health issues. I expressed how scary it was to see his health declining. Our counselor used to say that he had more of a relationship with alcohol than with me. I said that it seemed he had made that relationship a priority in his life and perhaps that was the distance he felt in his relationships. I said I would continue to pray for him and the rest was between him and God.
So today-about 2 weeks later he calls and asks me to set up an appt with the counselor. I said sure just out of habit. I asked him why and he said we needed to talk. I asked if he was angry about my email and he said yes but he didn't want to discuss it and he wanted to talk about our next step.
I said that for me, in order to take the next step and have emotional closure I needed to talk about the drinking and the role it played.
I also said that if he wanted to talk to the counselor then he needed to take the action the set up the appt and I would be happy to go.
I question my motivation. I know that I want him to take actions and feel the weight of each decision he makes to move further away from me. Yeah, a little passive aggressive but then he can't play the victim either.
I want to be able to address the real issue and not just sweep it under the rug. I doubt it will make a difference to him but I need to speak the truth as I see it in order to move on. Otherwise I feel I will regret what I did not say. I will feel as though we have unfinished business. Instead of just slinking away as he has done I want him to be very aware of what his choices are costing him.
I also feel like I need to express my boundaries.
So, is this the time and place to say what everyone else is afraid to say? What else do I have to lose? Or is this just something I should let go and let god take care of.