Cyroanoak, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I'm sorry that your wife wasn't able to sustain her recovery. Do what you need to do, but love alone can't make this better.
I've really identified with your story and your message since I felt we were kind of in the same boat. My RAH is clean, but I've been dancing the "do I or don't I?" dance for the last two years. It was you telling me point-blank that I've got control issues that calmed me down for the first time and turned that gaze inward. I've got to thank you for that. It was a breakthrough for me.
On a side note:
i used to drive horribly blindass drunk...so drunk one night my "buddies" turned my car ON for me, got me in, seat belted and then said, ok, get home safe.
Holy ****!