...so maybe it was an ultimatum. Either way she will, in fact, have to stop doing something that is important to her to keep me from manifesting the "I will not live with someone" piece.
I could have phrased it as a boundary in that regard and then moved out when she crossed it-- I chose not to. Instead I have asked her if she is capable of honoring a boundary at all and been specific in what that boundary/ultimatum is. If she says no I've save a lot of time and headache. If she says yes we proceed and see what happens.
C-
Originally Posted by
outtolunch 
Attempts to control someone else usually begin with " you will xxx, or else yyy". This does not work.
A boundary usually begins with "I will/will not", as in "I will not live with someone in active alcoholism or early recovery". A boundary lets go of the outcome and does not require other people to honor it. A boundary is all about you and is as good as your willingness to honor it.