I'm also worried about you, Lost. I know that I justified and allowed all kinds of things when I was using that would be things I would address immediately without question if I were making the decisions from my perspective today. I don't mean to scare you unnecessarily, but the symptoms you described sound serious, and I think you are right in suspecting your life may have been on the line. I hope you will go get checked out and allow this to become the final experience you need to get some real help. I feel for you, and I want you to know that you are not alone. There is freedom from addiction for those willing to surrender and do whatever it takes to get well. The gifts on the other side are amazing. I am sending enormous hugs and prayers.