I have gone to NA meetings several times.. at the least they bore me or frusterate me but sometimes they make me itch to use more.. I end up going to the bathroom to use or practically running home. Either way I always leave there crying because I want help and I go there hoping to get help and leave there feeling like I'm never going to get help. I have been using fairly often for the past three years. Starting in about October 2011 is when it started getting really bad. Every day.. every few hours.
The first year or two of me using it was you know on weekends then three times a week and it grew more. And then the next year I started doing it every day for the most part but not all day long just at night and it wasnt a big deal when i didnt/ But this past year it has consumed me and I get so so sick when I don't do them and I can't handle it. And I'm so broke. It's so bad if I don;t have one because i can't do anything and my temperature goes to over 100 and I get huge anxiety attacks.. and when I do them its bad because I sleep n so late and will miss school and work a lot. They make me so tired when I'm coming done ( so like when i'm suppose to get up but its been 8-10 hours because I have been sleeping). I mostly do roxys. But I use heroin when I can get it because its much cheaper and I can actually get high from it, I really dont feel high from the roxys anymore..until a couple of weeks ago I felt just normal, happy when I did them but not high.. now I'll do a couple and still not feel good.
I'm a college student.. I just lost my internship due to oversleeping one day and falling asleep at work. I don't have money to afford treatment and I can't ask my parents.. After losing the internship and a couple of legal issues (non drug related) over the years they really just want me to keep it together.. and I don't think they could handle this. Plus they are already paying for rent right now and school.
For insurance, I am on Blue Cross/Blue . It's my mothers plan.
I feel that the suboxone will help me because a couple of months ago, I did quit for 40 days. The withdrawals were awful. So awful and last around ten days of being servely sick and anxious. After the ten day period I was able to get out of bed but I still got tire every where I walked and it took me two more weeks to recupurate. I was feeling batter for another week or two but the cravings started getting stronger every day. And then I let myself do it once. And I was going to stop. And I turned it down the next day.. then someone bought it for me and then I just havent gone a day without since. So, I want to go on suboxone so I can get out of the habits and the lifestyle and make new habits while not having to deal with the cravings yet. I just feel a need to ease into becoming sober. Before I had an opiate problem I use to use all sorts of other drugs and I am ready to be completely clean. I just really think a few months on suboxone would help me.
I think I answered all of your questions. Feel free to ask anymore. I'm completely okay with answering anything. I just need help.