lizatola

I have been away from AH for almost 3 weeks now and they have been awesome weeks. He sent me flowers and mostly had been nice to me. Yet, all of a sudden I feel awkward on the phone with him again, like there's something he's hiding or not telling me kind of feeling. And, of course, knowing him I already know there's things he's not told me or is telling me. That's all part of his MO, so why am I all of a sudden caught up in emotions that I haven't had for weeks? I can't even put my finger on it, it's just a state of unease and discomfort.

Last night we were on the phone and he was busy doing some woodworking and the noise was distracting me and I felt like I had to talk over it so I told him to talk to our son for a while instead. They get on the phone and AH stopped doing his sanding to talk to our son. I know it's stupid, but I felt it was being done on purpose just to get me off the phone with him.

I go back home on July 29th and he hasn't asked me when my plane comes in yet. I will not let him pick us up unless he has the ignition interlock device in yet so I need to call some friends for back up rides(he doesn't know this yet since he hasn't asked for flight info). It will be very interesting when I get home because his bachelor lifestyle will be over. I have no idea what he's been doing with his time nor do I really care but there will be a huge adjustment when we get back. He still hasn't mentioned the Costa Rica trip, either, and neither have I. I wonder what his response will be when I tell him I'm not planning on going with him? I am already feeling anxious about going back, wish I could stay away forever but I know I have to deal with life and my marriage. I just need the strength to set those boundaries, stand up for what I want, and have the guts to follow through no matter what he says or does or doesn't say or do.

Right now my biggest issue is that I want to continue homeschooling our son. His neuropsychologist thinks it's the best option for him at this time. I think it's truly one of the main reasons I keep hoping we can work out the marriage stuff, even if it's only temporary. Oh, and I'm a self proclaimed codependent so that doesn't help my case, either, LOL!

And, you know what's really frustrating? I got hit on the other day and this guy called me beautiful lady and then told my son that he(son) was the princess' guardian. My son went around all day calling me princess. Then I was at the beach yesterday and sitting on my towel when this really nicely built guy went running by. I walked down to the water 10 mins later and was standing there when he ran back in the direction from where he came and I saw him check me out and smile at me. UGH!!! Soooooo, if I'm good looking enough to catch men's gaze then why do I stick around with my overweight, bald, middle aged personality disordered alcoholic husband? Somebody please tell me why, because I'm ready to scream.