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Old 07-18-2012, 07:21 AM
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HopefulGF65
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Southeastern MA
Posts: 149
Recovery-his and mine

I think most of you know that I ended the relationship with my abf the end of May. He moved out July 1, had no contact for one week while he went to his Mom's (BEST thing that could have happened for me); he returned to face changed locks and all of his stuff packed and in basement and then, a few days later (last Friday) he entered a program.

I have had off and on contact with him, always keeping my distance. For the first time in my life, I feel so incredibly in control of myself and my life. But since he entered the program, even a day or two before, it appears a switch went off and he has broken down, almost as if a computer that's gone black got a second chance to reboot. He is remorseful, can't even imagine why I'm talking to him with all the "a$$holish/childish/thieving" things he's done to me, and is open to everything being suggested to him (not by me but by the counselors and his aunt who is also in the field and who he is living with) - he is going to start yoga for relaxation, accupuncture for his back, look for another program immediately after this one is done, he's even started reading. He told me that he realizes all that he's done before didn't work and brought him to this point so why not look for ways of living his life anew.

I have kept my boundaries firm, asked for space which he has respected, and I don't have that little kid bouncing up and down inside of me being "hopeful." It's more of a calming "good for you, I'm happy for you". I know part of this is probably a subconscious protective instinct but he must sense it because he told me that he admires the person I've become in such a short time and that he can't blame me, that maybe I will never want to risk having him back in my life again, but he appreciates that I'm talking to him.

I don't give him anything that would lead to false hopes. I am taking one day at a time and am filling my weekends with plans with my girlfriends, nights with meetings, yoga, (a baseball game last night), part time job, etc. etc. I LOVE living by myself now and the independence it allows me.

But, as I've said before, every step, every place I got to, was because of so much of what I've learned from here. Even if it was hard to hear at the time, it all sank in to help me be stronger and grounded. So I figured I would update to kind of reinforce my own recovery and hopefully give others hope that life CAN be better and full of peace and tranquility for those who are teetering on whether to detach themselves or not. I have learned that detaching doesn't always mean that that person is out of your life forever, it just means that you are closing a door on the old, chaotic life and rebuilding a life for yourself that may or may not one day include your A again. But, like LoveMeNot says, it's not to ever go through a recovery/relapse/recovery/relapse roller coaster ever again.
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