View Single Post
Old 07-12-2012, 04:43 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
NikNox
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 188
Effects of lies & ? low self esteem ....

Hi all,

Haven't posted for a couple of weeks, but really things are no better.

As I said last time, we have had all the hoo ha of SD's mum's supposed 'cancer'. Turns out she just had laser treatment for some pre-cancerous cells, although she is insisting to SD that she actually does have cancer. Of course we have put the child right, but isn't it pathetic?

SD's mum phoned my husband on Monday evening, to ask him something. She said that because of her 'operation', her 'doctors' have advised her she cannot travel for the forseeable future (rubbish. Laser treatment is a procedure, not an operation, and the recovery period is a couple of days ... she had it done 3 weeks ago!), and therefore cannot possibly travel to see SD in our town. She asked if my husband could take SD over to her on Saturday so she can spend the day with her in her home. He said no way, she started shouting and screaming, so he hung up. Then, about half an hour later, she text him saying she'd spoken to SD (who was out when she called my husband) and SD had said she would love to go over. So, we called SD on her phone and asked her to come in, which she did. She told us her mum had indeed phoned her, and had said my husband had agreed to taking her over on Saturday!!! SD said she was surprised her dad had agreed to this, and that she didn't want to go, but placated her mum by saying she would. Of course then she found out that her dad hadn't in fact agreed, and boy was she angry. So, my husband text mum, and told her her lie had been discovered, and that there was no way SD was going over there, and he explained that this was because we did not want SD exposed to her drinking, or put somewhere where she may find her mum's booze and be tempted to pour it down the sink. He explained that this would make SD angry, there would be a row, and as their relationship has been somewhat volatile lately, doesn't want SD to be angry and upset with her mum anymore. He said she is welcome to come and see her in our town whenever she wishes, as this is ultimately more healthy for them both as it's harder for mum to drink when she's visiting our town. He said he wants SD to have contact that is placid, calm and not spent angrily or rowing. He wants her to return from contact and say 'yeah, it was nice', rather than upset, angry and saying she never wants to see her mum again (which is what's happened on the one occasion SD did visit her mum at her home, when she wasn't there). Mum of course didn't accept this, and said 'she is her own free spirit and she is able to choose her own free choice, and I am her mum'. He text her back and told her that this wasn't up to SD, it was up to him and that he needs to protect SD from any further upset and anger, end of. So, that was that, haven't heard any more from her.

But, SD did say to her mum on Monday when she spoke to her that she was to receive an award at school (yesterday) for 100% attendance in a special Awards Assembly. This is, for her, a great achievement, as she has never had 100% attendance during her entire school life (when she was living with mum, attendance was very poor), and she told her mum she wanted her to go as parents were invited. She told her where, and when, all the exact details. Of course mum didn't turn up, and last night we had a very tearful, sobbing child. However, she told us her upset was because she thinks she is fat and that she has a double chin. She does not. She is a very beautiful girl with a stunning figure who looks fantastic in everything she wears. She sobbed and sobbed and said she wants to be thin (alarm bells ringing), and that she is overweight for her age and height (according to a website she's looked at). This is rubbish, and we reassured her and reassured her that she is not fat or overweight, but did tell her that if she wants to join an exercise/dance class, we will of course enrol her.

I'm not sure if this is all because of how her mum affects her, or whether it's just normal teenage girl angst and hormones. She does seem to have very low esteem at the moment, and it's surfaced on the day her mother didn't turn up to a very special awards assembly at school.

Please help!
NikNox is offline