Rose,
I think Petunia has some wonderful advice for you. I have not read the book she recommended but knowledge is power in all aspects of our lives.
Personally I would separate from him financially as much as I could. I don't do our bills, Ward does, and he would not be the least bit shy about kicking me in the butt if I was spending too much. Money is something he takes very seriously and he would not allow me to be a weight around his neck. I would not allow that either.
A marriage is a negotiation. It is two people with a goal and they both need to be working toward that goal. Ward is an alcoholic too but he has his eye on the same prize that I do. A comfortable retirement.
You are not trying to control. You are the only one paying the bills and he is not going to know what you are thinking unless you say so. He won't kill you. He knows who puts the food on his table and the beer in the fridge. He may behave like a baby for a bit but if you stick to your guns you will gain respect for yourself. Listening to him place blame everywhere but where it belongs can be eye opening.
Hugs,
JT