I have a similar story but have now been divorced for 5 years and it is good. The serenity prayer at some point kicked in for me- changing the things I could change- me- and I started getting the wisdom to know the difference. Some "A's" die. It is just a hard fact. I want to live and be happy. I deserved to be happy. I gave the X to his higher power. I heard recently he was forced into detox, didn't drink for two weeks, and is back at it. His organs are shutting down. He has gout. He is losing his house where I lived with him. The day I went no contact I started getting better. The divorce though very difficult was a piece of paper. My preacher said "do not be yoked to a non-believer- or a drunkard." " Let go or be dragged-" a Zen quote.