To him, what he is doing is survival, he is an addict, it has nothing to do with you, it's his addiction.
I am learning to take my xabf for face value when I think about our relationship now, instead of seeing him and myself, I see myself and the addict. Things make much more sense to me now because I have faced the realtiy of who he really is, not who I want him to be, not who he could be. It has helped me detach and at the same time have compassion for him.
I took a lot of stuff personally, viewing him as an addict allows me to see that his behavior was pretty normal coming from an addicted brain.
Don't know if this makes sense, in some ways I am still working it out.
My exa and I were suppose to vacation this summer as well, I cancelled it about a month or so ago.
Hug to you Katie