djayr

Hello:

We all hear a lot of different stories and scenarios on this board. Usually when people separate from their A's, two things happen: 1) Codie finds relief and freedom; and 2) Alcoholic starts doing things for themselves and maybe even starts getting better.

That's not what's happening with me.

My story stretches over 17 years. The most dramatic was 2008 when drunk AW fell down our basement stairs and cracked an artery in her brain, got saved by brain surgery, fought through severe liver disease, and recovered 100%!! Can you imagine? And then she put in 2 1/2 years sober, the most amazing years of our life.

Then:

1. She fell off the wagon in 2010 and returned to daily drinking.
2. She started trading "I love you" text messages with several men.
3. Marriage fell apart due to unfaithfulness, I filed for divorce, and she moved out.
4. She got sober and I took her back.
5. Fell off the wagon a month later.
6. Changed divorce to legal separation.
7. Ended up sharing ownership of house 50/50 in order to "get the deal done".
8. Legally separated but still lived together for 5 months.
9. AW as drunk as ever so I moved out 5/1/2012.

...and here's the punchline -- AW drinks as much as ever, is as "blanked up" as ever, is getting crazy in the head, is taking up with a whole batch of new unemployed losers (including one that practically lives there), and basically is unable to function as a normal person.

She's going down the you-know-what.

My feelings about this: SAD, VERY SAD

I could honesty just fret and cry about it all day and all night. I love this woman. She's a mess. It's like watching a loved one get eaten by a wild animal -- it's a COMPLETE AND TOTAL NIGHTMARE.

To be honest, I was completely intoxicated with freedom when I moved out. It was amazing and savored every precious wonderful feeling -- the kind of feeling you might have if someone untied a millstone from around your neck. I felt light as a feather, I was honestly giddy for about 1-2 weeks.

But that wore off.

I have been slowly and methodically backing away from AW. Getting more space, moving slowly, avoiding the conflict that would kill a Mega People Pleaser like me. I hate conflict. I want everyone to be happy, no matter who they are, no matter what the circumstance. So backing away from AW has been like pulling off a Band-Aid in super slow motion.

But I did it, I'm glad I did it, I am DELIGHTED to be legally and financially free from her despite the shockingly high cost which included all my cash, retirement, rental property, 50% of a house, and $3,000 per month payments for the next 64 months.

I am living in a one bedroom apartment. It is indeed my sanctuary.

But I am truly grieving for AW and the reason I am making this post, is just to tell another story about what happens sometimes. Every case is different. Every one is heartbreaking. I love her. I have always loved her. So there is only so much I can do to protect myself -- if she crashes and burns, it's still going to hurt really, really bad.

All I can say is, Lord Help Me, and Lord Have Mercy.

Thanks for listening...