KDL

The reason I am posting this question in the secular forum is because I don't what responses that suggest I "Let go, let God" or things of that nature. That's not how I operate, and don't anticipate that I ever will.

I'm just wondering if others in recovery struggle with recognizing true thoughts vs. thoughts that come from addiction.

Currently, I feel paralyzed because I am afraid to do things out of fear that the thoughts/ feelings that I am having are coming from my addiction. I told myself 58 days ago that I would get and stay sober and not make any decisions until I was sure I had clear, rational thinking. But, I'm not sure I can tell.

My husband believes I'm not happy. I'm not. But I don't know why. I don't know if it's my marriage, if sober me is just not a happy person, or if my addiction is trying to make me think I need to drink to be happy, or leave so I can drink.

I feel like I'm willing to wait it out, and keep trying to do the right thing. But, am I ruining my marriage in the process? How long is my husband supposed to live with the sober, boring, not fun me?

btw- I say 58 days, but that was because I drank a handful of times in late April/ early May. I started the process to sobriety in IOP in December- so to him it seems like this has been going on for 7 months.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for by posting this. Just wondering if others have experienced similar feelings, and how they handled it. Thanks!