Ken, I am so sorry. I can understand how devestating this is. You made your plan when you were feeling good and strong, maybe a little angry. Those feelings pass and negative ones set in at times we need to prepare for those. We must know they will come. The plan can be unshakable, but it takes a lot of work to really isolate the AV. I am no expert, but here is what I would like to point out...not to kick you while your down, but to try and help. I put in bold what seems to be AV that needs to be isolated. This is not you, this is the beast talking.
I can understand the feeling that others may be happy for your fall. I have seen some of that crap on this site and I let it almost run me off at one point. I am so glad I did not though because this site has been so helpful to me and 99.99% of the people on here have nothing but good intentions.
Here goes, a newbie try at the AV. Others please help if I am off base.
Originally Posted by
Weasel1966 
I got intoxicated by the environment before I got intoxicated with anything else.
If that makes sense.
I believe this is AV. Think about this and see if you can see this as your beast talking,setting you up to drink again.
Originally Posted by
Weasel1966 I know what I have to do..... More importantly what I want to do.....
" It" is using your insecurities and your insightful nature against you. I think you are over thinking this. You still say "want to do", this gives the beast hope. Give it no hope, it does not deserve it.
But ... Damn... Damn damn....
AV fighting with you. Disengage. It does not need to be between you and it. Step back and let it struggle with itself.
Originally Posted by
Weasel1966 I hate knowing and still being lead around by it.
You know, but you are letting it lead you around. Remember the AV cannot walk into a bar or other situation that will weaken you. The beast cannot order or pick up that drink. The beast cannot swallow. The beast can only be so happy it got another drink.
Originally Posted by
Weasel1966 This is a complex thing.... Many sides... Many facets.
again, AV I believe. This is actually very simple. You will never drink again, and you're never changing my mind. Very simple statement. There only two sides, drink or not. The work is to isolate the beast from you.
Ken, I have huge respect for you. It takes guts to do this and do it in a public way. I wish you nothing but the best and I know you will find your strength.
PM me if you would like, I am off the next 2 days.
Take care of yourself today buddy. You did well getting right back on board. Do not let the beast use yesterday against you.:ghug3