Old 07-08-2012, 11:29 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
bobcat2000
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 40
Lara, I understand where you are coming from but I see a very strong pattern here! Please trust me and others here. H will hunt you down on a daily basis if you are in the same town as him. There is no escape from the embroilment and parasitic behaviour of an addict, and he has not even come close to any form of any significant recovery, you will always be his last priority. H will start to enter your life again and what kind of role model is he for your son? What happens if he is high or using in front of your son and hits a low? I hope you and your ex are on good terms as boys need their fathers and especially when they are so young, I thank God for my Dad when I was little as I would never have made my childhood, I just wish that he was alive in my marriage years as I would never have screwed up like I did and f...cked up my family like I did and my good and normal relationship with my wife - my Dad believed in therapy for us kids but he died just before we would have taken him seriously. My ex-wife is big believer in it and also has strong Faith and in an amazing way has been my pillar of strength now, and as hard as it was/is for her to hear about my misdemeanours (with Lesley) understands and listens and accepts I did what I did due to my inner troubles, she is amazing and I have never experienced such forgiveness, I am slowly falling back in love with her and little by little she with me! Because of her I am in proper therapy and sticking to it!

I hope, your ex is the supportive kind especially in light of your son, I pray so as the disintegration of families worldwide is shocking and generations of children are being screwed up, and the cycle keeps, repeating! Think Lara, think! I hope that you are getting therapy of some kind and if not you must get into it immediately especially in light of what I just read about your childhood, there is probably many childhood trauma issues you have not taclkled. I know from my own personal experience all the hell I went through as a kid which screwed me up - my mom would go into fits and shout the house down and I would have to become a co-parent to my younger siblings, it stripped me of my childhood.

My Dad always said that Mom would kill him and she did - we were driving back from a dinner in San Antonio and my Mom was a bit drunk (she snuck in some vodka shots when my Dad was not looking) and out of the blue started going at Dad, she tried to grab the wheel and the next thing I remember is waking up with my Dad lying on top of me with his blood all over me - it was hell on earth. Do not discount for a second that this could not happen to you with H, you will NEVER know when he will come down from a high or hit a low...the episodes will get worse, also understand there is some brain damage there and anything can happen in a car and you and others, even your son could be involved and he may wake up with your body on his! Sorry for being so graphic but there is no other way to put it!

Me not dealing with stuff put major pressure on my ex-wife (then wife) - she had to put up with all the co-dependency BS and all the crap that my family did, she became the "enemy" of them as she was normal and not part of the "inner circle" - my Mom and other sister actually encouraged my behaviour and my affair (I have learnt my Mom had her own sick agenda – Lesley was wealthy) - how sick is that! Guess that is why my life unravelled as I never dealt with anything properly and only now after the darkness understand and I am healing.

Therapy takes time and is not easy but it does get you to heal faster than if you attempt it by yourself - self-help books are a small part of the equation, but you need a professional, and is well worth every cent! Do not worry what others, friends or family think (and if they bare co-dependent they might inadvertently hijack the process, as you will start to become less embroiled in their “paranoia” and be seem to be leaving the inner circle) - this is your time to heal and become a NORMAL and complete person!

Young Lara, much of you resonates with me and we have similar stories and I guess that is why I am spending sometime on your discussion. I really urge you to take significant time to heal and do therapy and not to rush your move to H town! If not for you, then for your son, the reward later on in life will be massive and your son will thank you rather than hate you - both my daughters loathe me right now but are warming up a bit, but it is taking a very long time and still much more to go. Your son is very little and in a very, very critical stage of his life - what happens in his first 7 years of development is CRITICAL for who he becomes as an adult, and all the disruption and movement will screw him up, and once again I speak, from personal experience as to my childhood and that of my own children. I urge you not to move to H town so soon as the impact and fallout on your son is truly not worth it. A few years in a lifetime is nothing and I promise you will not regret it! So young, Lara, all the best with YOUR therapy and I pray that you will consider all I have said and do the right thing by you and your son! Anytime you need to chat drop me a message or post, as I have definitely been there and got the t-shirts!
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