Thank you, Laurie. Needed that post.
I think the codependent is so afraid of losing the alcoholic that the codependent just won't do what everyone involved needs: take action and step off the merry-go-round of alcoholism.
We become afraid the alcoholic will replace us with someone else.
If the codependent is working the Twelve Steps and has finally accepted Step Three ("Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God"), then the codependent can hand the outcome to God. The codependent can accept that if it is God's will (however one defines God) that the marriage be saved, then eventually it will be. (And not necessarily next week).
Our challenge is to live with some integrity and that means refusing to pretend that things are not what they clearly are. It means naming the Elephant and then taking appropriate action.
Alcoholics hear what we do.