ICame2Believe

I really hate to admit this, but I said some terrible and very abusive things when I was drinking, and I MEANT EVERY WORD. I used booze to give me the courage to say what I didn't have the guts to admit when I was sober.
Yeah, I did all the apologies the next day when I began to realize that I might lose my (un)happy home and actually have to take care of myself! But in the end, I meant what I said, I wanted to get out of the relationship but I wanted someone to take care of me so I stayed despite my hatred and anger towards my partner.
When I did my steps, I had to make amends, but I didn't deny that what I said was exactly what I felt and that I relied on booze to do my talking for me. That man put up with me for 12 years! He is remarried now and very happy and I'm happy for him.
Today, I know that being honest from the git-go is best, that communication between parties has to come with courage to speak the truth, and acceptance of whatever the outcome.

I know that I am not relationship material, and I have stayed single since sobering up. What I share here applies to me, my lessons learned and all that I have to share on my experience. I really don't know anything about relationships! I've been married 3 times and I've never been successful.