KnBlueSkies

Lara,
I actually only stumbled upon this website last month. As I was saying in my post, at the beginning of my relationship I did a lot of research, and then I stopped. There have been times throughout the years when I have had reason to go back and do more research because I have had questions about things related to drugs, and this is one of those times. Rather personal in nature, but my husband and I are trying to conceive, and we have not had any luck for the past 5 months. So I have been doing research online regarding fertility and such, and as a progression of that I had a thought wondering if his past cocaine use could have affected our chances.

So once I started reading here, I found it rather interesting, and have actually been following the journey of several people. I can look at things now with different eyes I suppose, and that is a good feeling.

I was slightly shocked to get what seemed like negative replies to my post to you. I didn’t post to offer you advice, and encourage you to become more deeply involved with this man, as someone suggested. I only wanted to share my personal experience because I felt equipped to answer the question you asked about hope for a loving relationship. I don’t think we are truly unique, but I think we may be in regards to the group that typically posts on this forum. I think most people who find success would move on with their lives, and leave the boards to others who are experiencing turmoil and confusion, who need a place to vent. I think those strong emotions are evident in many of the post I read.

To answer your question, my husband did not start with drugs at a young age. He was in his late twenties, but he had already established his identity, completed college, had a successful career, and firm financial situation. His use started recreationally, and turned into more when he experienced some personal setbacks. It was used as a crutch basically. But in overcoming his addiction, he still had a vast set of fully developed healthy skills that aided him in recovery. No doubt in my mind that this helped him tremendously.

And Yes, I agree the age at which one starts does make a difference in recovery in my opinion. When you start young and have not fully established an identity for yourself, the use of drugs quickly becomes part of your identity, and you also use it as a coping mechanism not learning other ways, and build your social structure around it. I personally think it is much more likely that the young person that starts with drugs and becomes deeply involved has a higher probability of having other emotional issues at play also. They have to learn and build a healthy emotional foundation for themselves taking the drugs out of the picture. (Im sure others will disagree with me and that’s fine; this is the opinion Ive formed)
Oh my, so I was right about the sponsor. Doesn’t surprise me. Since Ive been reading here Ive heard that story several times already, plus one or two where the person in recovery gets involved with the person they are sponsoring! At least you know what is behind his mindset ….

Thank you for your well wishes. Best of luck whichever way you go.