I agree with Learn2Live. Frankly, it doesn't matter whether he "means it" or not -- it's ABUSIVE. My ex husband was like that when he drank and it just kept getting worse as time went on. When my little boy (now a 22 yr old heroin addict) was 4 years old and was standing at our feet ....with tears rolling down his face....watching his dad scream obscenities at his mother--that's when I said "NO MORE"!!!!!!!! I was done taking that kind of abuse and I was not going to let my son learn how to treat women from that man for ONE MORE DAY.
I got counseling from a domestic abuse center and it helped me to see that I had done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment. No one deserves that. Especially not from one you have chosen as your life partner, who is meant to support and respect you...not tear your down to shreds until you're in a pool of tears. I came to understand that because of his strong denial of his problem (everything was MY fault) that there was little chance for improvement. If I wanted the abuse to stop I had to get out, so I did.
You said something that struck a cord with me...
i could go on and on, he sometimes apologises the next day, but most of the time he doesnt think he needs to apologise, which just causes another fight.
Really? Is that all you need is an apology? And everything is forgiven? My ex-husband used to apologize deeply the next day...bring flowers...help around the house...take care of the kids. But you know what?
Abusive words are like pounding nails in a fence. You can take the nail out, but the hole is still there.
Please get counseling. And yes, you qualify for free counseling from your nearest domestic abuse center because you are the victim of emotional abuse which is recognized as being just as harmful to the psyche as physical abuse is to the body.