(((((Lara)))))
I have been following your thread with interest.
I am a long time RA and also long time co dependent in recovery.
You have quite the dilemma going on here, and I understand your confusion
as you apparently have not dealt with addiction before.
You asked:
I believe it's easier to have long term recovery if you started as an older
person?? Not sure
Nope, it does not make a difference. Once the 'addiction' gene whatever you want
to call it is triggered, long term recovery becomes a very heavy chore for all of us.
As you continue to garner information you will see that no matter the 'chemical'
drugs or alcohol, there are changes in the brain. Which in turn means changes
in 'thinking.' Now recovery is partially over a long term growing new pathways
in the brain for those that have been destroyed. And that takes time, lots of
time.
Besides that, it is about leaning new habits and ways of behaving. To this day,
with 31+ years of living sober and clean under my belt, if I get truly stressed
about something, or life throws me a bad curve ball, the first thought, and yes
it is just a thought that I do not have to act on, but the first thought will be of
getting a drink and some blow.
Why?
Because that was my solution to EVERYTHING. That was the way I used to deal.
Get numb. And yes it is just a FLEETING thought and is gone. However, there
is NO GUARANTEE that one of these times I might not act on that thought.
I have seen it happen to people with a few years of recovery all the way up to
folks with more recovery than I have. It CAN and DOES HAPPEN.
I am very happy for Blueskies that so far their relationship is working! How-
ever, her story is one in several hundred. Most end with permanet separation.
After the non A strats working on themselves and starts to see what and why
in them drew them to an A, and they work on becoming the person they want
to be, the A is no longer an attraction for them.
So, I would suggest that you work on you, either with Alanon or therapy or
both. Learn what your boundaries are, learn how to state your boundaries,
not ultimatums, and go from there.
Stick around SR or not. Most of us continue to stay and post and read as
part of our recovery IS sharing our experience, strength and hope (ES&H)
with others and hopefully the 'others' can learn by our experiences and not
have to repeat what we went through all over again.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so
very much.
Love and hugs,