When I drink I become a Monster.
When I drink I am a monster.
I consider myself to be a calm, collected, and well spoken individual. I am able to operate in society and constantly be on a positive vibe. I am proud of my skills, accomplishments and I have a loving family. I have a son who I love and spend time with regularly. My career is starting to really take off and i have nice things and a loving girlfriend who I adore. I could loose this all when I drink.
I dont drink often, but when I drink It drink it all.
Alcohol and I dont get a long. From the beginning my very first drink terrible things have happened. Alcohol and I have a awful relationship. When I drink I become a monster. My character shifts and my behavior becomes obnoxious. I have skimmed close to severe injury maybe death, had medical issues, and waisted days to being sick. I have misrepresented my character and ruined relationships. I become someone nobody wants to be around. I say things that offend others, I speak more and more loudly. I black out and dont remember a thing. Worst of all I am an angry drunk and I am not willing to control myself. I am none of these things when ia m sober.
I consider myself to be very lucky that I have not been killed, or jailed for what I have done while being intoxicated. If I continue to drink. I know that something terrible will happen. I can not go on living like this.
I have asked myself, why do I drink, and I have come to the conclusion that I drink to let go. Like a cutter cuts one self. I release. I must stop self medicating and find a healthy and proactive emmotional vent.
I believe it starts with not drinking ever again.
Today is the day. I say good riddance to a foe of my mine. I will not risk my life anymore. I will no longer let this monster out of its cage. I am not going to live in fear.
The solution is simple. Today I stop drinking. one day at a time. For the rest of my life.
I know that the monster within me will always be there, but without alcohol I am in control, not the monster. I am the only one who holds the key and I will keep it safe.
I look forward to my future and this journey of sobriety and accepting that I have a problem.. I feel that because I am a binge drinker I have been able to dodge alcaholism, I accept the fact that I am a problem drinker and move on. My abuse stops here.
Thank you for reading my post.
WaterMan12