Old 07-03-2012, 10:40 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
sweetteewalls
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
Laying in bed, in dark, with my 4 yr old...

4 yr old: Mom, does God control us, what we do?
Me: No baby, we have free will but God guides us to make right choices.
4 yr old: Well I want God to guide Daddy to come home.

Just happened a few minutes ago...I've been crying ever since. I thought we were doing well. I was doing a good job of keeping busy, keeping my kids busy and no matter how good I thought I was doing to make sure she felt loved and wasn't lacking...she is lacking... thinking of her dad and missing him...

I feel SO angry at him. He's choosing to live in his active alcoholism in his motel room, drowning his sorrows... I am getting to hate him for what he is doing to me, our children, etc...I have to remember the way I feel in this moment when he actually comes back around begging for his family back. I am doing "all the right things"...counseling, therapy, Alanon, journaling, excercise, working...but somehow this sadness crept up on me.

I need my SR family to help lift me up because right now, I have no one else and I need it....
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