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Old 07-03-2012, 04:39 AM
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HopefulGF65
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Southeastern MA
Posts: 149
He's Gone-Part 1

I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I know I've got a long way to go to heal and to work on myself but I am looking forward to it and I felt a surge of excitement for the first time in a long time while driving to work this morning.

He finished packing last night and I stayed out of his way. I was proud of myself for not being the blubbering fool I thought I would have been weeks ago. I feel stronger but that little co dependent part of me that's still hanging around would have liked to have heard some sort of "sorry for all the hell I put you through" or "thank you for being there through all this" or even a "thanks for trying". But nothing.

And here is what is giving me power - yet, because I feel guilty over feeling 'power' from this, is that still being co-dependent? - he left suddenly without a word. His stuff was still there so I figured he went to get a pack of cigarettes. Finally, I went to bed and saw a text that he was at his uncle's. I knew exactly what that meant. He was getting his weed which used to be a ritual with him before he had to quit it for his last job. On one hand, I was so angry at his uncle, I mean, here is your nephew struggling with addiction and you hand him a bag of weed??? But then I simply felt disgust. And knew that his trip to his Mom's this week would probably not be focused on him checking out an inpatient facility. Even if he did, how seriously is he taking this if he's bringing pot with him? He even took his daughter which I don't think was productive but that's just my humble opinion.

In a week he'll be back to get the rest of this stuff but I'm moving it all down to the basement and changing the lock to the apartment.

Just out of curiosity, what's with the stealing or taking things that don't belong to you? I'm not talking about stealing valuables to sell to buy your DOC. I mean, taking things from a lost and found, saying you "forgot" that you were wearing/carrying/put in pocket an item from a store and walked out with it, bringing things home from his last job, even noticed he snagged a bunch of canned goods from my cabinets and hid them in his box of shoes (whatever, I can buy more). Is this part of the whole disease?
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