ok...I just wondered...sometimes I'd 'try' sobriety but never really give it a chance.
I drank for 20 years - but I'd only ever give sobriety a week to work or not LOL
I lasted 2 months once - torture - but I was trying to live my old drinking life as a sober person. I was always the square peg trying to fit the round hole.
Moderation never lasted for me - I'd go ok for a while...I'd convince myself I was under control now, and that was the hook to get me drinking again in earnest.
The day I accepted my relationship with alcohol was toxic - and had always, and would always be the way - was the day things changed for me.
Taking that option off the table and changing a lot of other things about my life - looking at my friends, my free time, my priorities - suddenly staying sober made a lot more sense.
If you're a drinker like me - and it sounds a lot like you might be - don't waste too many years trying to be that normal drinker guy like I did copperfield.
D