jessiec

Recap: Broke up with ABF last week after he was a drunken jerk one (or 1,859) many times. He texted an apology the day after, I did not respond. no contact since.

I am feeling strong I filled my weekend with positivity -- plans with friends, unpacking in my new place, church (ABF and I started going together; I will not let our break-up allow me to loose my faith). I had a few weepy moments, but have been doing a lot better than I would have though.

Still, I can't help but wonder:

Does he realize it's truly over this time? Is he sad? Is he mad at himself? Does he realize his drinking did this? Does he remember all the horrible things he said to me and the cruel way he acted toward me? Does he remember drop-kicking my suitcase out the door as I was leaving? Is he ashamed? Does his foot hurt? (Sorry, couldn't help that one!)

Did he tell his family/friends? Did he tell them the truth? How did he explain my absence this weekend when I wasn't at a dinner party/bridal shower?

Does he miss me? Is he surprised I haven't caved? Is he shocked/humbled I moved without any help from him and that maybe I don't need him as much as he thinks he did? Is he checking his phone to see if I responded? Is he wrestling with wanting to contact me? Is he going to try again to reach out to me or is he done?

Is he angry at me for whatever drunken or delusional reasons? Is he happy? Is he relieved I won't be there to spoil his fun? Does he want me back or did he sabotage everything purposefully?

And, how drunk did he get this weekend?!

I know none of this "matters." I know I'm supposed to be thinking about me.

I know I'm human.